“I want my funeral to be here”: Church sustainability

“Our church is friendly, not like other churches where they don’t know you” ~ Church A

“We eat together every week, we’re one big family. Not like other churches.” ~ Church B

“I love it here, this is my church family. Not like other churches where no one knows your name.” ~ Church C

I’m making up these quotes but as I was reading through focus group transcripts, three churches in a row described how they were uniquely friendly - unlike other churches!

Is your church friendly? Probably yes. My church is too. That’s so great!

However, while friendliness is essential, it can lead to an inward focus. Let me explain…

I am currently reading Grace Duddy Pomroy’s book Funding Forward A Pathway to More Sustainable Models for Ministry. It was a best-seller in e-books within 24 hours of its release. I’d probably read faster if I didn’t pepper the book with sticky notes and highlighting. She writes:

“Too often, I think congregations have confused loving God and loving neighbor with loving their buildings and their fellowship with other members.” [italics mine]

People confuse loving God and neighbor with loving buildings and fellowship with church members. This devotion to the group and to the building makes it hard to change course. Churches go to extraordinary lengths to conserve resources to prolong their time together. Rentals, bingos, reserve funds, selling the manse, cutting staff. I’ve seen it all. It breaks my heart because I know their efforts are coming from a strong common bond. They don’t want to merge with another church of the same denomination that’s a mile away. “I want my funeral to be here.”

Their time remaining as a church might be short. It’s difficult and confusing for people who have worshipped together for decades to acknowledge this reality. Their sense of fellowship is strong. Haven’t they taken good care of their building? Haven’t they prayed together and cared for each other? Sure, people might be getting older but they care about each other. People say, “where else could I go? These are my people. This is my place. I want my funeral to be here.”

I applaud the bravery and vulnerability of people who can share their lament. (I am not speaking hypothetically either.) However, this lament is a variation on “my church is uniquely friendly.” The danger of seeing our congregation as uniquely friendly leads us to believe that we couldn’t worship anywhere else or with anyone else.

This blog post can’t solve the problem of church sustainability. My point is to name that sometimes what people want is a chaplaincy model where the members are taken care of as they age. Whether that’s what God is calling the congregation to do, I can’t say. But I hope that giving some language to describe a chaplaincy model and planting the idea that “uniquely friendly” congregations have a downside helps in the discussion.

Remember too that even “uniquely friendly” churches started somewhere. And people from these churches went to other places and worked for God’s Kingdom. The more your congregation can tell the stories of movement and change, the more you can see how God’s Spirit continues to move. God never gives up on us, I’m certain of that.