Should the pastor know who gives? Part 2: Gifts in wills
“Should I ask my dying parishioner for a bequest?” ranks high in the list of difficult questions I’ve been asked during church stewardship webinars. The ideal last conversation on generosity starts with thank you:
Thank you, thank you for your faithful support of this church for so many years. I thank God for your gift in your will for the future of the church. We will remember you with gratitude. Well done, good and faithful servant.
How the church can prepare for grateful conversations, instead of putting pastors in awkward situations? I have practical suggestions. First, some essential background: not every congregant gives.
Not everyone gives
Estimates are that 20-40% of church members don’t give at all. You might be shocked by this number, but church treasurers just nod their heads. Assuming that everyone gives is incorrect. (Everyone here tithes and other myths about church giving.)
Thanking the faithful
Could the church send a card to thank members who have been giving for 25 years? 30 years? 50 years? Signed by the pastor? Gratitude makes a sufficient reason, but there’s more.
Gratitude opens the door for the pastor and congregant to talk about generosity. It is a much easier time to talk about a bequest than at a deathbed. Perhaps Grandma Alton had been wondering about bequests, but the taboo around talking at money at church meant that she had never felt comfortable inquiring.
Unknown givers
While some attenders don’t give, there might be givers who don’t attend. Is there an older person living far away now who still sends a cheque each December? Does the pastor know? Does this faithful saint ever get a thank-you card?
A well-intentioned privacy policy created an unknown giver situation. The faithful saint was invisible because they hadn’t explicitly consented to be included in the church directory. Imagine how meaningful it would be for this person to get a card from the church and a phone call from the pastor. Here is an opportunity to talk about bequests as well.
Why talk about bequests?
Money and death are tough topics. I know. Here’s the thing: I overhear what people tell their hairdressers. We can do this!
Churches should be talking about bequests and how to leave a gift to your church in your will on a regular basis. Why am I convinced of this? Mortality, theology and demographics.
1) Mortality. Unless Jesus returns first, 100% of people in church will die. Christians have an opportunity for our generosity to continue into the future with a bit of planning.
2) Testimony. A gift in a will is a final act of kindness, testimony to our family and friends about the causes we care about the most.
3) Demographics. 10% of Canadian donors - the Grandma Altons - give two thirds of total donations to all causes. Younger generations won’t be as generous without encouragement. The church needs to lean into the spiritual discipline of giving, highlighting the stories and testimony of older donors.
Moving from awkwardness to gratitude
Should clergy ask their dying parishioner for a bequest? Only prayer can answer that question in real-time. Churches can help move the last generosity conversation from awkwardness to gratitude by routinely talking about bequests and giving clergy access to giving information.
A Blessing for tough topics:
Creator God, giver of every good thing
Bless church people,
Help us to be generous and kind and brave
Even when generosity and kindness and bravery seem like too much to hope for
We can’t do this alone.
Bless our tired hearts and fill us with your Spirit.
Amen
Learn more
In my book Growing a Generous Church: A Year in the Life of Peach Blossom Church, the congregation learns generosity. People tell me the book is accessible and easy to read. Find out more here.
Here are more posts about bequests.
The previous post in this series looked at changes in giving patterns as a pastoral care opportunity.